


The Leaving

by boopboop



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Cap3 spoilers, Gen, I AM NOT OKAY, I watched the trailer, M/M, grown up conversation, it's even worse when they actually communicate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-10
Updated: 2016-03-10
Packaged: 2018-05-25 23:46:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6214981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boopboop/pseuds/boopboop
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Right before things take a turn for the worse and the two of them head down paths that neither can return from, Tony finds Steve on a rooftop, silently celebrating Bucky's birthday.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Leaving

**Author's Note:**

  * For [titheniel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/titheniel/gifts).



> I am very upset and very high on painkillers. Suffering all around. I did tell Ink that she could have happy fic. My idea of happy fic is one where no one dies. Everything else is up for grabs. 
> 
> Obviously, Cap 3 spoilers.

He finds Steve on the roof of an abandoned building in the middle of the city and doesn’t even try to hide his presence. You can’t actually sneak up on Cap when you’re in full stealth mode, and Tony’s flying around in a bright red suit. Subtle isn’t really in his game plan.

He lands with a heavy sound he knows Steve can’t miss, and fights down a brief wave of irritation when he’s presented with nothing but Steve’s back. He’ll own the fact that he’s childish and overly dramatic sometimes – lots of times – but he thinks it is only fair that Steve does too.

“Cap,” he says, more to the shield hanging on his back than the man himself. “If this is your idea of hiding…” He’d been painfully easy to find. So painfully easy that people who aren’t as smart as Tony will probably be able to manage as well. It’s sloppy. Steve might not be the going to ground type, but he knows better than this.

“You made your position clear already,” Steve says, speaking into the wind. “If you’re here to take me in…”

“You make it sound like I want this to happen.”

“Don’t you?”

“You know how many friends I had before New York?” He doesn’t wait for Steve to answer. “Three. Pepper and Rhodey and J.A.R.V.I.S. My PA, my AI and my college roommate who was too damn nice to kick my dumb ass to the curb when he had the chance.” Now Rhodey is in a hospital bed fighting for his life, Pepper is half way around the world, out of harms way but out of contact as well, and J.A.R.V.I.S…

“What’s your point?” Steve finally turns to face him. He looks terrible. Not injured. Old. Exhausted. He's holding a rating looking photo in his hands. You don't need to be as smart as Tony is to take a guess as to who the photo is of. 

He takes a step forward, becoming more earnest when Steve doesn't back off.“My point, and I can’t believe we’re having a rooftop heart to heart like this, is that friendships, _relationships_ , are not my strong point, okay? I don’t have a whole lot of experience with…group conflict, which is shocking, I know, but there you have it. I don’t know how to deal with my friends heading onto roads that I can’t follow them down. I want to fix it, but I can’t because we are never going to agree on how it needs to be fixed and I’m going a little crazy imagining all the potential outcomes here and…Steve I don’t want to fight you.” Every time he closes his eyes he's struck by the nightmare of watching Steve die, of hearing his broken accusations over and over and over and-

“Thought you wanted to punch my teeth in?” That’s Steve for you. Not agreeing, not giving in, but being kind. Letting Tony reach out to him. There was a time when a part of Tony desperately wanted to be someone a man like Steve could like. That part is still there, but it is buried beneath obligation and regret. There’s no room for it anymore.

“That’s because you are annoying,” Tony huffs. “So insanely annoying. But tell me, honestly, that you don’t want to drop kick me off this building just a teeny tiny little bit.” Steve’s lip twitches ever so slightly. “See. Tiny bit.”

“Not all that tiny.”

Tony laughs, overjoyed. He can see it, the anchor that sits between them, that’s there if Steve just reaches out for it. A way back from the edge for both of them.

“Please,” Tony will beg. He’s not above begging. “Don’t take us both somewhere we don’t want to go. I can’t imagine how you must be feeling about Bucky,” and he can’t, that’s genuine. He doesn’t know how he’d be reacting if he were in Steve’s position and it was Pepper the world had tortured for decades and now wanted to put down like a rabid dog.

“This isn’t just about Bucky,” Steve shakes his head.

“Isn’t it?”

Steve sighs and turns his back on Tony so he can look out on the city. “It’s his birthday today. He probably doesn’t even know it.” On the run from every government agency in the world…no, he’s probably not stopping for cake. There’s so much grief in Steve’s voice. “He's scared, Tony. He doesn't want to hurt anyone. He's just scared. He doesn't know who to trust."

"I know," It's not even a lie. 

"I won’t let you or anyone else take him, not for questioning, not for anything,” Steve says. “That’s not negotiable.” He shakes his head, as if ridding himself from cobwebs in his mind. “But come on Tony, you really buy into what Ross is saying? You hate him. You hate him almost as much as Bruce hates him.”

“I…can’t argue with that,” Tony agrees. The man makes his skin crawl, but that’s not the point. He says as much.

“Then what is?” Steve asks. “They say they want to regulate us, but how do they plan on doing that? With the World Security Council? So we can be weaponized against the world the way Insight was? Or how about we sit back and watch people die while politicians in a boardroom decide when or if they want us to engage? The people who were supposed to be above all that, the people who were supposed to protect the world from the dangers that Bucky and I both gave our lives fighting, they turned out to be no better . Worse, actually, or do you think I don’t know what Coulson has been doing with SHIELD these last few years? You want him pulling our strings?”

Coulson is another matter for another day. Ross isn't asking them to report to SHIELD. If he were it would be a different story.

“So the alternative is to go rogue? Involve ourselves in the fights we pick and chose? We’re not gods, Steve. We shouldn't be making those kinds of choices. Look at every single conflict we’ve engaged with. Look how many millions of people have suffered because of it. Bruce was right: we’re a time bomb. And you might be able to live with that, but I can’t.” He's had to for so many years that the thought of just one more drop of blood on his hands is enough to send him spiralling. 

“Then there’s nothing left to say. Go home, Tony.” Right. Home. It’s half empty now. So many unfilled spaces, so many ghosts.

Desperate, he brings out the big guns. It’s a low blow, he knows that before he even says it. What choice does he have?

“If you’re not part of the team then who is gonna look out for Barnes? They’re closing in on him every day. It won’t be long before he’s pinned down. You just going to leave him to that?”

He’s not sure what response he expects from Steve. Anger maybe. Outrage that Tony would use this against him. What he gets is somehow far worse.

“I’ve killed for Bucky before. I’ll do it again if I have to.”

Tony’s always known that this might be a fight he’s not going to live through.

Now he knows for sure that regardless of the outcome, Steve isn’t going to survive it either.


End file.
